Happy new year, 2011!

Much has changed, much has not -
drink much, just red bull in my case, achieve your goals, your dreams,
study and love and live!
dont forget the past, learn to treasure it, live the present and hope for the future!
happy new year to everyone!

A Wrongful Imprisonment

[two women. One laying on a hospital bed motionless, the other standing and stars speaking]

Irena:(Frowns, and then slowly builds to hysterical laughter)life has no mercy, does it? (stops laughing, but is smiling)lifes a comedian(raises her voice slightly with a hint of anger)all it does it mock you, laugh at you, make a joke out of you. (pause)You,Mary, are not excluded, youre no special. (chuckles)you thought life was but a bully, a bully that needs helps.(shouts)mary, do you realize that you are its biggest, most sarcastic joke? a psychologist that is now demented, gone cocko, crazy! not to mention an athelete who cant move anymore! (walks around with closed eyes) you, mary, tried to save others from lifes constant mockery, you helped others when they fell becayse they were pushed. you saved them, but who can save you?(mary sqeaks, and irena goes face to face with mary, stares into her eyes and whispers) i cant. i cant even safe myself. you are nothing but a corpse with a broken soul, a mind thats gone in a never ending vacation. (speaks louder) id pity you, but pity is what i li ve off, so i cant offer that. sorry.sorry. (laughs) sorry! thats all i can givw! isnt it funny? that is the word you always used! cant you do it again mary? cant u apolgize for somewthing thats beyond your power, something that is insignficant and triaval? cant u do it again? cant u? (shakes mary, while she onky blinkes slowly n stares at irena. irena shed a tear , goes up to door, laughs and sobs quitely while exiting room and atring at mary one more time)

Love Letters Written At Night

Never ending patterns, swirling in a tunnel that envelops and hugs your bones, like a soft silky veil that covers the soul. A shield that's not made of metal, but of pain. A never ending amount of pain, that is used as a defencce.

Sparkle!

...And a happy new year!
CHRISTMAS IS COMING UP, AND I CAN'T WAIT!
(capital letters on purpose, to exclaim my most profound and juberant happiness)
Isn't christmas the best? Not because of the shopping or food, but because of the spirit!
It's like for one day we forget how fucked up our world is, and it's as if WE'RE the ones in a christmas globe, and not Earth.
Earth vanishes when christmas comes. Christmas is the innocence of the soul, the white veil that disgusises Earth doing this period of time. It's kinda like halloween, only people would never dare mention it.
Leaving my dark thoughts aside, it's a wonderful time. The cheerfulness, the environment that sucks you in with a whip-flash of joy and love.
It's one of the moments I honestly think DO come from movies. Everything seems established,in place, like in movies. Like it's all meant to be.
Not perfect,no, but in the right order.
I should probably mention Hannukah.
I reallllllllly should.
Like, right now.
RIGHT. NOW.
Oh wait...I have school..soo..homework, right? Right?
Cmon, I'm not THAT bad of a jew.

May you all have your piece of christmas, your piece of celebration,
your reunion of memories and faith, to remember all that is good.
merry christmas,
your really-should-mention-hannukah friend,
kelly

Skin Tight Jeans

- Darren Criss <3 -

I'm locked in my christmas globe. Only mine isn't filed with snowflakes, but with warm humid particles that lick the entire glass that surronds me.
I don't have a scarf or a carot as a nose, I just have a tub filled with hot liquid. No soap, no bubbles, just liquid.
Wouldn't be easy to swim? Swim, swim, swim.
Swim till death. It's so easy to just lower my head, and slowly, leisurely, sink my head inside and just ..perish.
However, I won't drown to death, it's too drastic and I won't swim to it either, because I can't.
I don't know how to swim.
--

decided to flatter myself;

dear bloggity,
bow before your all smartass master! for i have returned to take command! BOW!
*slience*
oh,cmon,i wasnt gone that long!
*slience*
ur over reacting. i just had my first igcse and -
*hairball flies by and then slience*
wait! dont get offended! come back! we can fix this,give me a - hello? hellllooo?
*echos*
sighs.
lifes difficult, and then ur own blogn turns its back on you.
this should totally be an mtv show. or better yet, a reality show on e entertaiment.
fuck the kardashians, this show will be a hit!
anywhos, besides my marvelous and under apperciated ideas, all ive been doing lately is nothing. had a week of holiday, and then morow is school. Yes, thats how fullfing and eventful my life is. SChool.
but school can be good! i mean, yea, u have to wake up early but in the end you study and -
im tird. or maybe i just feel like typing shit down because of the guilt.
im sorry blog but i will try and update more.
wish me luck and stop glaring at me

untangable and most untouchable, (because im awesome like that)
key nizzle. fo shizzle.
sigh. its kelly.

unknowingly

sometimes, the person who surprises you the most is yourself.
i know i offered myself a lot to think about by simply being. i always gathered id be a party person, because i am a crowd person and am the living soul of all thats fun and joyful. Thats what i think atleast. Yet I am possibly always at the most awkward and banal situation in parties; always finding myself out of place and uncomfortable. I seem to not recognize anyone through the mist and personas they have created for themselves, just to fit in.
Ive always thought as myself as confident, yet the first interview i do i am not aware of one word i am saying. After all, everythings easier once you dont have to do it.
portrayal of a denial, i tell myself.
then again, talking to yourself isnt a marvelous start.

Drama Report

This drama session My project was monologues. Monologues have taught me how to keep my own ground in acting, and keep my individual force in it. I have chosen the monologue from the play "no exit" by Jean Paul, that is about three humans trapped inside a cage. They are meant to be punished by hell, yet unexpectedly they are neither tortured nor in pain. They soon learn though that although it is not what they expected, it is still worthy of being called he'll. The torture begins when they start talking to each other. They're each others eternal pain. I play one of the characters, Inez, who has sinned by taking advantage of a weak woman and manipulating her into having a relationship with herself.
Inez's monologue is filled with despair, yet her pride is still very noticeable. The monologue has to be said with a strong voice to match Inez's character, and yet still leave the void of what Inez is in pain for. Estelle, who is also locked inside the cell but fancies the third prisoner, Garcia.
I have learned that although the emotions are the same during the context, the sound and acting should always move in a fluid way. The way you say words has a great impact on them.
During one of the lessons, when I was the one filming Mariana act, we decided to try a small trick. I moved with the camera while she acted, and noticed afterwards how I made her move around more, use more of the "stage". I also noticed that although our facial expression shows a lot of emotion, body language needs to be in sync for a powerful performance.
You have to find the right way in which to emphasize and strengthen the lines to give them a better impact.
Monologues require a lot in an actor, because everything depends on his/her performance.
I paid more attention to monologues and discovered they are not as easy as I would have thought, but I also learned the different techniques and ways of which other actors do it and of how I could improve my own monologues.

Ghandi

Rhetorical question & alliteration
---

We’re all born the same, but we’re all treated differently. We all stand for our beliefs, yet we criticize and hate others for their own. We judge before we know, and hate before we love.


Not all of us can be brave, but all of us can be cowards. I’m devoted to salyagrah (non-violence) the key to world peace.

I’m Ghandi, and my hope is my faith.

I’m Indian, I’m a Hindu, and I believe in the sole truth that the world can achieve peace, not by fists, but by words.

The anarchy of the heart is stronger and more defiant then the one of killing.

I come from a country that’s held in a cage, where we, the people, have no say and we therefore relay on our actions.

Our actions will be better heard when we say them with no blood on our hands.

Our country, India, will not condemn itself to be prisoned, because we, the people, the heart, the soul of India, will speak.

Will speak with revolutionary capability, we will speak with confidence in truth and in justice, and most of all, will speak with words and not weapons.

We will prove to ourselves that changes can be made, and will be made.

I’m no better and no less then anybody else. I’m not less because of my origins, and I’m no more because of my words.

Above being women and men, we’re people. Above being people, we’re humans.

Every move I make is ambushed by the awaking illusion that I have of peace, the truth that seems livid yet far away never presents itself.
Isn't it time for it to shine? Isn't it time for us to be a part of it? Isn't it time for racism to stop, for prejudices not to be made, for equality?
I traveled to England, and I came back. When I came back, I met a child with arctic glazed eyes that shone and glimmered. The glided sparkle of the child's eye that I saw was a sight I've never met before; it wasn't mischievious, misguided nor to be mistrusted, but were instead filled with such vagerous and bold force, with awing power, and the child's eyes didn't tell the story of one his age, but of one with experience of a lifetime.
He came close, and told me that there's no need for worry, he told me theres no need for pain or agony,
he said simply with words that I'll never forget, "I will pray, I will love, I will hope. I will do the things that all others do and think we don't because we seem insignifcant to them. I will do all but kill, and prove myself worthy. Worthy not of them, but of life. Of God."
If a child has such idealistics, such strength, and if that child is the future of India, I have no fear. Until our world is filled with childern and adults alike will be as accepting, we will fight.
Fight with compassion, with the promising future, fight for generations to come, fight for a difference. To be noticed and to be accepted that we will not change.

The End

I've never had much luck in life. Never had those bright and happy surroundings, or an loving and affectionate environment. I'm not complaining though because whether it's based on what God decides or destiny or even fucking fate, this is the way it is. I can't blame or be upset about something that's not in my control or in anyone else.
If I had the control over where I was born, then I wouldn't have picked this place. It doesn't matter though. We are all born alone and we are all born with life. We deal with different problems, yet we go on.
I know that my problems would be considered one of the worst, and my life is what others use to make themselves feel better, to say "it could be worse. I could be like her". I'm not angry that they consider me the worse, because maybe I am. Yet I still am equal to all of them, whether the see it or not. I need to eat, I need to sleep, and I need love like all of them.
I live.
Before being the lowest of scums, I'm human. Just like all of them.
Being the worst and lowest maybe me see some things clearly though. We always complain, yet never appreciate. We always want more, we always seek perfection. Wonder why, since will never achieve it.
People are blind, but there's not much to do about it. If all humanity saw, the world would be a better place. Maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. Maybe.
That's kind of my only hope. It's too late for a chance for me, but a chance for others. Those who deserve it and those who don't, because how do we define who deserves this chance?
It's amazing how we quickly draw the line. A Christian would deserve living more then a Muslim. A man would deserve a job more then a woman. A human being life is more important then one of an animal.
How would you "decide" who "deserved" to be born into a family that didn't want them, a father that hits instead of helping, a mother that's too wasted to even notice, and a brother that would only take advantage of her?
Did I deserve it? Can you decide that for me? Did I deserve having that family, and being to scared to even wake up?
Guess I wouldn't know. I asked many times that question to my friend, Charlie, a friend on the streets that can't talk. Well, I'm not sure if he can't talk, but he sure as hell doesn't so it with me.
Atleast his there. Atleast he listens. It's something.
He helped me find a job, not a very dignifing one at that, but I get my money.
It's nit easy going and selling your body everyday, but it's okay. I don't live with the fear, and I actually know someone who cares for me. Yeah, Charlie may not have said it, but I know he cares. After Miranda, our other friend , died from some miscarriage problem, he looked out for me.
That's all that matters, right? A human isn't worth much without love.
They think I'm at my worst. I'm not. I'm loved.
That's not the worst, that's the fucking best.

Penny for your thoughts

Listeners and talkers. Does that really exist? Isn't it more like talkers and pretend to be listeners?
Our opinions of ourselves is the number one thing that matters.
Because our view of ourselves is how we display ourselves. A loser is only a loser if his influenced by others to think his one. Yet, there comes a point where I wonder if we ever really listen to anyone but ourselves.
Maybe it's characteristics, but wouldn't you rather talk then listen? Even if you're shy, the moments you do talk, aren't they more enjoyable then the momenta you listen to the people round you?
That's a point, yet know we all listen. Some do it better then others. We all listen to learn, to discover, to meet new people. How else would we know our friends, our family?
Isn't there a catch though? Whether we listen to a person in depth, everyday even, will we still know what's the persons definition? Don't we all portray different masks in different lights?
That's not to say a person doesn't show themselves out there, but in a way, we sort of don't.
Every thought defines you, but we don't always say them.
I wonder, how much could we truly shine ourselves. How much could we display for others to understand? Even if they will see and read a persons thoughts, would that make them understand the person, or judge him more?
It's a never endless cycle of questions I don't know why I bother to ask.
The person who knows you best is you. We are all born alone, and the die the same.
Then why is it we seek human companionship? Why do we relay on each other to be there, and any life isn't worth living without a loved one? The ironic thing is, we seek a human touch and yet we never fully trust it. We never truly bare ourselves or expose, because it will only deem us as weak when in reality, we all seek the same thing.
Maybe only a mind reader could really fully know a person, and yet maybe the can't.

I'm Kelly, and yet who am I?

For the record..

Previous post is done at four am, and Im not tired at all.
Nope,not me buddy.
As awake as a person could be. Right.
One I stop drooling over my iPad and regain control over my constant blinking, I'll talk to you.
I should seriously start writing on paper....
Wah forget that
I'll just go before I start writing Hannah Montana fan fiction.
Bye y'all.
It's mmiillleyy.

Justice

For some odd reason, I needed to see that word on the computer screen. This primal need to truly understand the meaning of it.
See, I don't believe in humans being black or white. I think those theories only exist in movies, and wee created by the human mind for guidance and peace.
Justice is when good wins, is when the truth comes out and outweighs anything else.
Justice is by its own meaning a lie. Justice judges, weights on a scale the right and wrong.
What is right? Why is truth always, in justices eyes, considered a good thing?
What is honesty? Is honesty really what makes a person better?
I watched a superhero movie,and superhero movies always have a thick line between what's evil and pure. They always separate the devil from the angel, the god from the satan.
Always tell us what we should and shouldn't inspire to be. That's why, in any superhero movies, justice exists. Justice is easy to claim and effective once the lines are crystal clear. Which is why it doesn't truly exist in real life.
I don't need to describe what controls real life isn't right or wrong, it's human.
Being selfish is allegedly bad, but do we need not feel it? Willingly or not, we do.
Does that transform us into monsters, disgusting beings that should be send to hell?
No. It doesn't. There's never been white or black, or even grey.
We are far deeper then that, and no color could describe it.
If justice like in tv existed, that I'd believe in it.
The Madonna movie ive recently watched,though, shows enlightening to what and how people judge.
Ironic really, when what we are being told to do is NOT judge.

The Ultimate Superpower: Changing Genders

I honestly do no meet that in a perverted or sick way. I mean that with most sincere curiosity, and deep inner conflict.
See, ever since puberty started I'm far more aware of my gender, and the other existing one.
I am far more aware of how a woman acts and thinks, and how a man does as well.
The differences, the similarities, and the extreme amount of exaggeration that female magazines and old woman-in-kitchen movies provide to showing how much of space there is between the genders.
My belief and notice is that above genders, we're humans. People. We all have hearts, brains and bodies. We all develop them differently but that doesn't make us superior (although that's a feeling we tend to enjoy, and now I'm talking about both genders) or less important.
As a teenager, I feel somewhat immortal. It's what I like to call hormonal naivety.
As teens, we're young and cannot imagine ourselves in any other shape.
Yet soon we'll all change into women and men. Into people who think they're entirely different because they're aware of certain different biological forms, and that's when the raging man woman war starts. Where we all assume the others thoughts and feelings and judge them fast.
This is silly. I am a woman, sometimes tired of being so but none the less a woman.
Yet what does a woman mean? What does a man mean?
Different clothes? Different likes? Different hobbies?
No, that's the definition of us being human and of us all being unique. My question is, will people always be this way and perceive me like that to? Will guys make me feel like a joke because I'm a girl, and therefore according to them, different? Like in movies where nerds think girls are a whole new species?

Old English can be nice...

I've realized that there's only a week for you to come, yet it seems impossible for me to wait.
Haughtily I stare at others, for I know I have you, who I adore. The simplicity of such matter strikes me as well, I've yet to manage to rule and control impure and imprudent thoughts.
Every move i make is ambushed by the awaking illusion that I have of you, the memories that seem livid yet far away. 

Impatient Teenage hormones

Sigh, hello all.
Summer began and so did the sweat and pee (and yes I'm referring to all you nasty pool
Pee-errs!)
Yeah, you can tell I don't really enjoy summer. Why would any rational female?
This is the time where the men hunt openly and us female prey shove our delicious meaty
Scent right in front of their faces!
Exposure and decency is something we don't give a flying fuck about In summer, and men
Don't hesitate for one second to take advantage. I'm one to talk, a crazed and easily controlled horomonally controlled teenager. Sigh.
This post is a complete waste of time, and is kind of a test for myself.
Don't ask what I'm talking about because I don't know myself.
Anyways, I shall study for business and some vocabulary as to not stay behind.
Defeated by unrationality,
Kelly

True Meaning Of Pothead

So, it's 1 AM and my brain won't shut up.
What to do? well ofc, go on the internet and look at lolcats.
Its wonderful, that feeling before you type in your Google homepage. The keys that access you to any information or porn you could possibily wants lays under your very own fingerprints.
My fingers causally spread out, processing the undefeated legacy that  is the mighty power of INTERNET.
...
Is it obvious I am tired?
Right. So, the title is basicly another kelly-rant about potheads and druggies.
Though I don't think I've ranted about them before, so I might as well now.
WTF!
Seriously, I get it, I totally do. Not everyone is lucky or is blessed or has optimistic karma, or even fucking feng shui, and we don't all have the blessings of certain things.
But I do know that we're all born into the same world which gives us all a fair chance.
Fucking sorrowing and moanin like some damn man whores who didn't get laid for a day won't damn solve any of your problems. Pick yourself up, take care of yourself, and don't feel pity or influenced by others.
I know life isn't black or white, but goddamn it, grow some breasts!
*as I hve mentioned before, the term growing balls is unastoundingly sexist to me*

im2tired to go on with this useless piece of shit of writing.
Potheads are funny though.
*giggles* i love when they talk about Justin Bieber's conspiracy theories.

peace out -

If Love Was Real

"I love you, and always will."
His words struck me. Love seemed forgein. Loves only found in shitty american movies. Loves a theory, a dream created by us to make life more pleasant.
"Stop doubting me. I goddamn love you and you have to deal with it."
I felt like laughing. Its moronic. He rolled his eyes at me, clearly seeing my lips twich.
"It's real. I know you know it too." He whispered, grabbing my hand on his heart. At that moment, I couldn't care less about scientific facts about how your body reacts, and chemicals and horomones. All I could think of was his green eyes that seemed to be like a tunnel, and I was walking through it surronded by its color.
"Why do you feel pain when someone you care for leaves you? That burn in your chest? Its you, not your body. Not white blood cells or blood rush or whatever, Its yourself. Your definition in life. Your essence, and if I'll push it a bit, I'll go as far as saying its your very own soul."
He kissed me after his speech, his fingers touching my face lightly. At that moment, I couldn't care less whether love is fictional and that it's the chemicals in our bodies that make us attract and make us think we really feel it, or the fact that his science was limited to Iron Man movies -
All I could think of is him.  I knew I've become one of THOSE girls. The type that daydreams about a guy who will protect them and love them and cherish them. I knew I was independent, and looked at this type of girls with disgust for not proving their gender stereotypes wrong and only encourging it.
It's silly, but all my disapproval of them dissapeared once I kissed him.
"I will love you, cherish and protect you. All the words you hate with passion are what you're gonna get. You have to understand that it doesn't make you less of a strong person, it doesn't demean or lower you in any way infront of me. It's not because you're a woman, its because you're my love."
He said, once we broke the kiss. Smiling up at his almost to accurate read on my thoughts, I reached up to him and never breaking contact with him, I said what I always wanted to.
"It might be a fantasy that makes life better, possibly a  chemical reaction, or even a method to humiliate women.The hell with it all though. I love you, and will cherish and protect you. I will kick any female ass, or even a male one if needed. You're mine,whether you like it or not."

Teenage moodswings & A brain that won't SHUT UP

Combined, both are lethal and are killing me.  Making my insecurities and vulentrabilies shine proudly in my head, I am obviously not feeling in a great mood.
I'm weird. I know I am. Im no Lady Gaga and I am not as bold, but I know that I somehow can't explain myself to the world.
I think Im rather smart, but my facade or my bubbly personality tones it down and thats where they all human eye comes in and sees me with rash thoughts and judgments.
I don't care. That's what I tell myself, because I strongly believe in the amazingness that is not caring.
Knowing who I am and knowing that the people who I care about know as well, its pretty much all that matters. Sometimes, though, because of my moodswings and teenage insecurities it all breaks in.
The doubt, the loath, the hate. Drowning like a rock thrown at the sea, its hard to get out.  Obviously I resent myself in ice-cream = the answer to every major problem in life. Calories don't matter when you're in The Infamous Resentment Mood.
It could be two or three days, but I resurface. Like any typical human being, we got our downs and ups.
Resurfacing is great. Like I haven't seen sunshine in a while. Like a turtle coming out of its shell.
This is silly, I know. But you learn to drown yourself so deep in despair, that when you can finally come out you realize how much stronger you feel.Radiant. Prominent. Pungent.Everything is the opposite.
The hate is love, the doubt is confidence, the weakness is power.
Life's great, and you know it. Life's hard, but you must trust yourself to know that you will fall and yet raise and tower better then you've ever been.
Life may throw rocks and pillows at you, its how you handle the rocks and pillows that defines you.
That may seem out of place, but to me it makes sense. Whether or not humans will accept me, or whether i'll have the Samantha charm to handle life, Im gonna be myself. Im gonna live. Im gonna have faith and hope.
And im fucking not gonna care about what anybody else says about it, and for the record
I'll do it all with a smile.

The Hidden Symbol Lays In This Cryptic Message

Sometimes I wonder why people act the way they do. Ya know. When people are insufferable jerks/bitches.
Is it human nature? So we honestly all have this shitty ass side?
We goddamn only have one life to live and we spend it mocking ourselfs into thinking all that matters is us fitting in society. Money, having a partner for the sake of apperance, looking good.
What sense is there in life then?
Im not gonna plan ahead, because as the yiddish saying says 'a mentsh tracht und Gott lacht' (briefly saying ' a person plans and God laughs'), but I will promise to try my best not to think in that mentality.
If lifes basic needs are those, life sucks more then poets say it does.
Yeah, reality is harsh and fuckfaced at times, and so is our world -
But come on. Spending your entire life reasoning that you've accomplished everything because you fit in or are accepted is just not what lifes about. Unless thats your personal goal, which I won't judge but will have to admit I don't get.


Don't try to pretend you got the message, because hell, I don't even know what the message in here is.

Extrememly opposed to ever using Garnier cream again,
your wishful thinker,
You-Know-Who

P.S Glee your life! literally; go watch the show.

Won't Get Me Down

And tell me right now
I dare you right now
Tell me to stop it
To uphold my thoughts
and dreams
and hopes

and tell me to stop
to never believe
and tell me never to ever
forget you
and dare to ignore me
dare to convince me

because I won't be let down
I can dance
I can dream
I can smile
I can live
I can cry
for a while

even if it won't last
even if it its not all real
to me it is
to my heart its happening
to my soul its touching
and to you its only a fantasy

I won't let you get me down
when I know that all that matters
is that I care, is that I know

And dare to contradict me.

The Scar Inside Of Me

I chuckled,seemingly oblivious to my surrondings.
"Miss?" Chuckling, I turned my chair and stared into her emerald eyes.
"You truely believe him, don't you?" I said, thoughtfully staring at a pen laying on my desk. Shaking my head, I contiuned. "I would have expected more out of you."
Gulping she started at the window, the streets shining with the living.
"Its different. Its not what your quick judgemental mind is thinking, Aoura."
I smirked and felt my confidence raise at the fool sitting infront of me.
"I find it amusing, you see. Such a strong creature as yourself, falling for the weak human feelings."
"Weak it is not, Aoura. Do not under-estimate it just because its not in your category of existance!" She raised her voice, daring me.
"Yes, my fairly naive friend, you are right.It is not in my category, and I did not label it. That is because that was the mission given.Have you ceased to noticed why we are truely here, Laila?"
She frowned, making sense of my words.
"I love him. I don't know what that means, I don't know how this body is doing it and I don't know why, but I do."
Rolling my eyes I replied. "Rather cheesy, would you not think so?"
"Maybe. It doesn't change the truth though."
Gazing at her and her gazing back, I finally smiled.
"Its a weakness."
"I don't care."
"Its pity."
"It is not."
I gave up, shurgging. "Its insane."
Smiling, she caught on my defeat. "It is so."

In My Mind's Eye

He threatened my life with a promise that he'll kill me and I quickly accepted my fate thinking the worst was over.Yet instead of accomplishing his threat he vanished, his words leaving a trail of fog.
I knew death would come, I expected it. Though to know it will and not know when his reeking over the corner to finally do it, terrified my very soul. His plan to prelong my torture and fear was working, and I wish I could have the bravery to do it myself - but im only human, weak and scared. No matter what people think of me, I could not and would not pretend that I was brave enough to face the future.
Every day was a curse and whenever I managed to smile, I remembered where that it could be my last smile alive. I remembered, and always tasted the emptyiness that I was swallowing, that I was living.
Whenever I walked upstairs to sleep, I'd cry. Death was teasing me, and my constant wish of it to be over wasn not helping.
I was locked in a cage of torment inside my own essence, inside my very soul. Desperately waiting for God or for any superior force to take me. I'd much rather cease to exist then to my slow and painful vanishing.
I writhed and seethed in bed, moaning and shouting in agony and despair.
'Just kill me! finish your job! finish your threat!Kill me!' I pleaded.
The only answer was a thick velvet cloud with his pale face and bloodshot eyes gazing at me, as if analyzing.
He didn't answer, he just stared at my writing silhouette.

Turned On By Hair?

Im of course refering to my all consuming crush,
He Who Must Not Be Named (get it? because he was in a harry potter movie? and was killed by Voldemort? you know? no? you KNOW that you know)
Besides that, soon is the end of year. I am proud of myself for the achievments and maturity I have gathered, yet there is always space for more.
Ambushed by thoughts I have no idea where to begin to write this post down, so I won't.
This won't make sense and its not suppose to. Its like freewriting, and my muse is piano music.
I find it weird, considering im a teenager and all, to listen to piano. Its soothingness is unbelievably relaxing condra the modern rash and quick strides.
I again wish for some sort of musical talent yet again lacking the guts or time or money or effort to do something about it.
Music is like my porn. I listen to it daily, consuming till the climax.
Bet you didn't hear that one, did you?

Keep In Mind

Keep in mind the way my heart grows and feels
Keep in mind my humanity,
and my sense of credibility

We form mistakes that we can't take back
We decide decisions that we can only choose once
We risk the unknown for another
keep in mind

Keep in mind the glorious sounds
Keep in mind the sun's warm rays hugging you
Because it won't be there forever

Keep in mind the sound of my beating heart
Keep in mind its always there for you

Even if you don't know
And even if I don't know
And even if the world judges and tells us what to do
And sees us as another
What's true is that you're you

Keep  in mind they are humans as well
They easily fool themselves into thinking they care
Appriciate yourself because you've got one lifetime to do so

Nothingness Doesn't Lest

All I have left is my memories,
And all I cried for is gone.
I keep looking through and through
looking for a hole or a void of peace

I keep searching for a tommarow
Where I won't cry or hurt
I know there's nothing left,
but is it so wrong to hope?

I ask myself what to do
do I cry or do I smile
Do I relish in my thoughts of heaven,
and smile at my angel
Or do I face whats real,
and cry at the devil

Hope doesn't die last,
its the soul that does
I feel and see nothing,
and numbness fills me in

Its a feeling that doesn't last,
Its a feeling I wish I would always have
A numb kind of embrace,
Instead of the agony of feelings
Of caring
Of remembering
Of knowing.

A Mixed Up Poem?

Through heaven and hell,
Through life and death
let me sign my own regret
Let me sing those last words
Let me pass through thersholds

It doesn't have to make sense,
the way I cling to you
The way I would pass my soul away

My words burning me,
Turning up against me
I fight the universe,
I fight the feeling of being insignficant
Of feeling small and unnoticed

If galaxies exist then
What am I to do with the constant nagging
that im only here for you?

And I
am speechless for once
For once, not knowing how to say goodbye
how to say hello
how to speak those words

Second Take, Cut 2: Technology Upgrades

---beh, hopefully it's betta-

I can hear them near me, taking in the smell of fresh information. They close their eyes, and let out a content sigh. "It's close." They say, as if in a trance.
In case you didn't quite catch it, I was talking about the iPhone fan reaction to the leaked photos of iphone 4 on the internet. This leaked photos made quite a stir, both for the fans and Apple, Apple having a tiny problem with one of the employees accidently forggeting the gadget in a bar.
Apple's leaked iPhone 4 photos reveal the iPhone's new slim look, with  improvements from its last form. Even if Apple's allegedly 'new' improvements isn't quite new to the smartphones society, Apple fans choose to ignore it by marvelling at the new option of a flash camera on the front and back of the mobile.
The squared shape gives the product a new look, with new metallic buttons and a slim surface area.
Unfortunately for the public, Apple has taken its famous product back from the people who found the product abandoned and alone at a bar. Yet now the excitement is even bigger, and is triggering the already excited fans for more.

Now, I don't want to go too Apple crazy because there's loads of other things going on right now in technology. Say, the rumors of the PlayStation 4 'original' design came out and everyones buzzing on and on about it. You wouldn't have happend to see any interactive game use this sort of look, have you?
(picture) Seems familiar? Nope? Not at all?
Okay, if you were thinking of it looking like a normal tv remote controller, you were kinda right. Only it looks more like the Wii nintendo. I can hear some of you relax with realization.
Truth be told, Wii Nintendo was popular when it first came out, but its sales has decreased in 31% and it leads me to think that Sony's rather obvious new gadget seems a bit silly.

Cheers

Cheers, mates!
For the fear of (unimportant) exams are over
(I say unimportant because these exams do not help/change/shift my life in any way)
I am free to celebrate my life, and this summer I plan to do so fully.
Firstly, I want to rediscover my long lost hobbies and I want to achieve atleast ONE of my crazy ideas.
Secondly, I plan to fly and have a superpower.
Thirdly, I plan to see Iron Man 2 and buy marvel things from israel.
Its this tiny list that must be accomplished in my messed up head, but I'll still try.
This is a short and rather unaccomplished post but its something to keep me going.
I love you my bloggity.
All my warm hugs
and your 'world's greatest computer geek',
K.L

Wtf is Love? (meh, more romantic then it seems)

There's millions, gazillions
songs about it
there's movies, there's books
and you don't get it

its a long complicated thing
and you have no idea
what they're sayin

I've never been in love,
and yet I always cry when I hear this thoughts
of torment and agony
of break-ups and unloyalty

I don't know what to think
whether to fall or whether to reach

Technology Updates

The scent of leaked iPhone 4 photos lingers, and Apple fans close to me inhale and exhale trying to clam their senses down. "It's close." They whisper, united.
It is so. Apple not only is makes millions if not gazillions from its latest release of the iPad (which hasn't even been released internationaly) but is planning on soon releasing iPhone 4. I'm sure you're either a loyal fan whose already seen the leaked photos, or a common bystander confused by the obsessions that's passing infront of your eyes,because ultimately, the iPhone isn't the best smartphone compared to other which can multitask and form new ccategories. If you are so, then let me explain the way the world works today.
Apple's each move and each mistake is being watched by us.

http://www.myddnetwork.com/new-gadgets/sharp-introduces-3d-display-that-dont-need-special-glasses/#more-834

http://www.digitaltrends.com/gaming/playstation-move-vs-nintendo-wii-under-the-hood/

My Motion: Life Is Better Now Then 100 Years Ago

Dear collegues, I would like to respond to the question is life better now then 100 years ago by saying yes.
Life is better now then it was 100 years ago.

My following motion is to describe how there is a better environment in the present.
100 years ago, only 1 in 7 homes had a bathtub, the world was far more polluted, law wasn't as stable as it is now, only 1 out of 6 graduated high school,  all modern-health objects we take for guranteed such as: soup, tooth paste, deodrant etc things that we humans need for basic hygiene did not exist, and also
antibiotics,plutonium, and insulin had yet to be discovered. Childern didn't enjoy their childhood with toys and friends, they spend it by pumping water,knitting, and milking cows and getting so-called kind detentions with beatings, which we, the modern world, have realized is not the right way to treat a child.We know today what rights we have, and that we do have rights. We know how to treat each other as commons, we know how to distinguish between whats wrong and whats right. People are more accepting towards each other, and we prograssed forward so much on so many levels, I don't see why anybody would want to go back 100  years ago.


My second motion is how far more realistic, less naive and smarter we are then we were back then.
Back then the law was religion, and people soullfuly believed that if they didn't follow the church they would burn in hell. Science a definite on the church's daunting list of 'things that will make you go to hell', and without science we can't prograss. Its the reason why we have less diseases then we did back then, its the reason why our world is far more aware of its situation, and its the reason we live the way we live today.
Our knowledge back then was that what was in the air was God's impeccable touch, the planet Earth was the center of the universe, and when an apple fell from a tree it was allegedly Jesus's all mighty touch. We now are solving mysterious, finding the truth of things, and we now elevate it a way that we never have before. The truth was hidden back then, but now the truth is more pungent and clear.


My third motion is the way we have advanced our communication and evolvement with each other.
All sources of media give us a chance to help each other, get to know each other, and unite as a community and a nation. The way the world reaches from a distance of 1000 miles to help a person, donate to a cause, save a person's life by a simple click of a mouse is amazing. Our world is far more aware of different situations in it, and without this new methods of communications alot of lifes would be dommed.
Internationally speaking, technology has offered so many chances for different people around the world to join in a conversation, find old friends and find new friends, and spread out different messages towards the world. I don't think anybody can deny how much our communication has improved and helped the world.

Bloggity, Bloggity

Dear bloggity,
it is me, your master, Kelly!
Have you forgotten me so soon? I have not abandoned you, my love, so do not fret!

Right, yeah, I haven't wrote somethin in ages;
So a lot of events have been..happening. I'll abandon the usuals of fighting the all-too-common bitch dragons, the evil edges of teenagers, the agony and despair of my broken heart, and just go stright to the fact that I watched Shutter Island today, which was totally worth my time.
And the guy from friends, Ross -David whateves, is dating a 26-year-old. And if you felt a certain nudge in Earth's movements its because Chuck Norris had his birthday (couldn't help myself).
More seriously though, its a stressing time. It always is because of those damn end of year exams, but you know its so much better after those, because you do nothing at school but chillax and party and SUMMER
Now, I ain't a huge summer-lover, but Bucharest is nice on summer.
And Im fucking tired of my harry-potter-reminding coat.
So brief post, hopefully I'll jeopardize better next time.
All of you loyal fans,
- kelly

N Im The Bitch Who Rock N Rolls

I am the bitch who admits shes a girl
I know I am the dominating sex yeah
I am not offending, so don't go defending
cuz im tellin the truth

With a pinch of my tittes
I got you all under my control
I am the hot striking bitch with the awesome guitar
Got you rollin over the floor with pain

Cuz you know what Im sayin
Im the bitch who rock n rolls
The bitch who dares tell the truth
I may not have a penis, but I still control

(oh yeah)

You strive up to your macho act
I roll my eyes laughing at you
I maybe a girl, but I can rule the world
Don't be afraid of the truth

My ass moves with the music,
You stare hypontized at me
You know my kind drives you crazy
But you also know you can't live without us

Because we're the ones that's revolving the world yeah
We're the ones stroking the guitar
We're may be just girls yeah, but we can rock n roll
cuz we're the queens without kings demanding more
And knowing that they will win

Ma Essay 'Money Ain't Happiness'

Money is something that all humans fight for, yet do humans realize what would happen if they had all the money in the world? Having all the money in the world could solve a lot of problems, but could also create them.Money won't always buy, and it too has its limits.
What accomplishes you in life isn't money, but happiness. The target of money is to get you luxurious embellishments, pure silk made dresses and abundant food which could be considered happiness - but a happiness that won't last forever.
Everytime you buy something new, you're  exuberant and excited but it only lasts a weekor so. Though, when you meet someone new and create a new friend the excitement is always there, and the fresh gain of a new person is in your life. You've done so without having to take your credit card out.
This friend is someone you're willing to trust, willing to give to and a companionship. Money is neither of those three. It cannot buy trust, and it cannot buy real friends. Too much money, in fact, can cause the opposite. It can cause fear of trust, fear of not knowing who wants you for who you are and who wants you for your money.
It's not everything in life, and definetly not life's first priority. Each life has its own fullfilment and its own void to fill in. Everyone has a path to supply the void whether its by beliefs, hobbies or love.
While money's allegedly tempts the rest of the world with towering power, I am personally more tempted by happiness's emerging completeness.

Bad Sitcoms? Me Thinks So

Whens the last time I laughed at a sitcom?
I laugh at my fillied with horomone friends from class jokes (which are 100% sex content) more then THAT.
Its pathetic the way society changes everything

Advantages (100 words)

Advantages that the compost machine has brought to the village and the villagers.
----

The compost machine has brought happiness to all villagers and villages.
It brought happiness to villagers such as the police officer, who is joyful because he doesn't need to sooth people.Every-day villagers are glad because the air is clean and there's no disgusting smell. The mayor (Mohammed Nisr) is full of pride and glory because he is the first to introduce that compost machine to the village. 

The village is less poluted, cleaner and freshened because of the compost machine. Also, the village is more noticeable to public eye due to the machine's uniqute fast results outside the United States.  The machine changed the village's image, giving it a more educated and eco-friendly look.

The Innocent Infected Soul

For souls are pure
For souls are clean and beautiful

Until someone ruins them
Lures them into the unknown
Lures them in a minute,  for their innocent minds do not yet know never to trust

Someone quickly gains them, and
Slowly injects venoumous lies,
filling in the veins filled with truths
Slowly gaining belief - the most poisionous agonizing torture
For as the innocent soul is captured,
Its revealed eyes discover the unveiled
yet, its no use

The soul is infected with the disease
The disease that haunts and never leaves
The disease that the souls have yet to discover a cure
The disease that harms all souls and bodies
The disease named love.

Getting High In Life

I don't mean drugs.
I mean getting high in happiness. Just happiness.
Just happy.
No more then happiness in my fucking heart
FUCK EVERYTHING, HAPPINESS IS THE KEY !

Fear of Change

Change is scary. Especially if you know that the outcome of that change could be bad.
Your scared, unsure. Change is signficant. Like decisions.
Some changes are barely noticeable, while others are life changing. I am not going to categorize all of them, because I am most asured that we all lived through all of them.
If I say this word over and over again, I wonder why I fear it. Why does it make me unsure, nervous, fearful and confused?
I figured out a game plan. Yes, a game plan. Its so totally-spies of me, but I drawed it out. Yes, I drawed my fear down.
Basically, theres a huge spider-chart and in it is the word 'Life'. I drew lines out of it and wrote everything about life. Time, change, emotions, people, surrondings, mortality and age. Everything.
Its a big chart, you can guess. Each of the things in this chart scared me because of the huge impact they have on me. Reaching no conclusion to why I did this or why after I did it I started writing this, I am simply going to say that fear is pointless.
You may have minutes,hours or years to live and how will it help you to fear everything that is on my life spider chart? Will it help, will it not? Will it make you realize your mistakes, your moves?
Maybe. Maybe not.
I did it just to think of everything that I am, that is and that was. I feel tiny, insignficant. Thoerizing this spider chart of life, trying to sum up words of how to describe everything when I obviously can't.
So I think of it, and decide it doesn't matter.
Why? Because it does,of course, matter. The matter is that it can't be solved.
Humans, deal with it.
Humans need answers to go through life and when there is no answers they either ignore the question or either persist there is.
I say there isn't and its better that way. Life would be way too simple if we had this answers. I know easier is the better and that its more convient because I am human too, but easier is not the answer because it gains nothing. Do you feel better if you did a quick project which you copied -pasted and your teacher gave you a -D on, or a project which you fully put yourself in, your hardwork and your knowledge?
  I lot of lazyass people will choose the first one and tell me to fuck off. I won't, because the truth is easier is no effort but is...easier. But you most be aware that it gains nothing - no mistakes, no problems solved, and  no discoveries.

That was quite a range of topics I felt I needed to discuss. I always think of more and ALWAYS keep forgetting. Don't worry though. Its not like anyone cares =))

P.S Amazing writers inspire me, and I can't believe the amount of talented authors and writers there are out there. Shoutout to all of you.

Peanut butter jelly time,
 hugs and pineapples.
    Kelly

Dear Bloggy Blog

Haven't posted in a while, have I?
(no answer)
hello?!
(echos)
Sigh. Not again.
Considering my life statues, I was..busy. Real life doesn't have music surrounding my every move with me singing high school musical songs.
Life has me facing real problems and putting my iPod so I can't pretend they are not there.
Don't you go all 'You're so sad', 'Pathetic creature' and 'I got free pity for you, gal'.
Quite frankly, I don't care. My moment of elbration, of not caring is my moment of life.
That fraze keeps bugging in my head, " Live now, life is short" and I know its short.
Question is if it is so short, and I need to live life NOW, then should I care about anything at all?
How does 'living life to the fullest' apply to me if I do my homework or face dilemmas of what to do with my hair?
Questioning life is pointless and stupid. Instead of looking for an answer or waiting for one you could be living a precious moment of life. 

Short post for my non too inspiring moment.
Hopefully I'll improve my vocabulary and spelling soon.
Toasts to all of you, with 1% butter
XoXo undoubtedly unforgetable XoXo
                     ME!

New Year, Folks!

So since i have accomplished nothing except in 2009, I sure hope 2010 will be better.
Please don't start with the oh-two-more-years-we're-gonna-die thing, kay?
I don't really think death is that funny. Anywhos, I don't want to look back to what was, don't want to look forward to what will because I base my posts on this shit and honestly - I need new topics.
Though its new years, I don't exactly know what to say. May you have the best of the start? May you accomplish everything you wish for? Its too over-said and done. I need basic shit.
Be happy.
Whether its money, love, family or not-so-secret celebrity crush - cough, cough- , be sure your happy.
Hell, you could live on the streets and be happy cuz that's whats it about.
Smile - and NOT in a fucking online way.
Smile with your own face and get your butt out of typing '=))' or ':)' ten times cuz when its on your lips its way effing better.
Am I a sensitive person? maybe. Its a side of myself that I have yet to admit. Writing is just a form of art for me and its possible I transmit through it much more emotion then i am willing to recognize.
Flicker of hope to never die,
Happy new effin year!
 - Your beloved and most dearly, Kelly

Change & Life

The dictionary is full of words, but none describe life such as this one.
Change.
Staring at the stars I wonder whats behind them - whats behind us
I don't know whats behind me, nor do I know whats infront of me
I live by the minute, terrified of time's next move
Unknowingly making the move myself.
Life is written by others so many times,
describes as a passage or a gate we need to get to, or discover

I'll tell you what you need to know about life.
You don't need to know anything.
Fuck my phylosphies and others, fuck everything. Instead of playing hide-and-seek, instead of guessing everything thats surronding us, instead of doubting the essence of our creation
just live
just feel
just..enjoy life. don't think about it, it should come naturaly - and it does.
You only ignore it
Look at who you are and appriciate it.
I am tired and exhausted of tring to think and think and think. its because i don't need to.
come join me if you want because im pretty lonely over here.
come and  live with me, come and just laugh at the absurdity of everything
because.. i don't need a reason to. I just will.

(too much Coldplay? naw)